Pain and Passion
by Sango Nanami
Summary: Prequel to "The Butterfly Effect: Rewritten". Petra respects her captain, and would never even dream of showing weakness in front of him. That is, until he walks in on her at her darkest point after her brother's death. What would become a fiery love affair started with a spark of hope in the cruel world they lived in. CW: Suicide attempt


She was sitting alone.

The glass in front of her, filled to the top with some cheap whiskey. In her hand were several pills of some random medication she found in the infirmary.

She stared down at the empty-eyed young woman looking back at her from the inside of the cup; expressionless… Numb….

Her brother was dead…

Tears started to run down her face as she continued to stare at herself as the scene played over and over again in her head. She was only about a hundred paces away when the titan grabbed him. It was a five-meter class, seemingly not a threat, provided your gear is working…

He went out alone, though, and when his gear locked up at the last second, there was nothing anyone could do… When the beast grabbed him, he screamed, grabbing the attention of the entire squad.

"Stay here. I'll take care of this." Their captain said as he rode off as fast as he could towards them. By the time he reached him, however, his screaming had come to an abrupt end after the titan crushed his spine….

"Petra?"

She looked up from her glass, snapping out of her daze, only to be met with the sight of her captain standing in the doorway.

"Oh! C-captain Levi!" she stood up, saluting nervously. A pill dropped from her hand and the sound echoed throughout the stone dining hall. His eyes went from her face to the pill on the floor. His brow furrowed as he looked her in the eye again.

"Hold out your hand." He said. She hesitated.

"I…."

"That's an order, Petra."

Her hand shook as she showed him what she was holding. Calmly, he took them out of her hand and threw them into the nearby trashcan.

"Wait here." Levi said as he walked over to the kitchen.

As soon as he left, Petra sat back down, and let out a deep sigh before taking a sip of the alcohol. It was bitter and burned going down, but she had to drink all of it. She started coughing uncontrollably and gagging, trying desperately to keep the strong drink down. Levi returned from the kitchen with a kettle of tea and two cups. He pushed the glass away from her and grabbed her arm as she reached for it again.

"What are you trying to accomplish?" He asked

"I just want to sleep." She whispered

"For how long exactly?" The irritation in his voice was prevalent. She stared down at the floor again silently as Levi handed her a cup of tea. She took a sip. It was warm. Much better than the other drink.

"Killing yourself or getting drunk won't bring your brother back. All it'll do is give me more paperwork and a letter to send to your parents that they lost two kids in a week, worst case scenario." He calmly said. She looked up to him, and saw the concern in his eyes. She was very fond of her captain, and usually cared more than anything about his feelings. Humanity's strongest had to stand on his own, see hundreds die, and still encourage his troops. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and was still able to hold his head up and at least try to comfort her in his own way.

"Captain….." she looked down, feeling tears roll down her cheek. "I can't feel anything…. I keep hearing his screams echo in my head and I can't take it anymore!"

Petra broke down in front of him, finally. She had no idea how long she cried, but at some point, she felt a hand rubbing her back, and she leaned in the direction it came from. Before she knew it, she was in Levi's arms, sobbing.

"The numbness goes away eventually. Most of it does, at least. You get used to the screaming too." He said once she finally calmed herself down. She looked up at him, and backed off.

"I'm… I'm sorry." She stuttered

"... I understand where you were coming from. When the numbness sets in, you do anything you can just to feel something." He took another sip of his tea.

"What do you do?" Petra asked

"When I was younger, I'd grab either Erwin or Hange... sometimes both... and we'd fuck until we were out of energy just to remind ourselves that we're alive. It was fun at first, but it was just meaningless sex. Afterwards, we'd get up and go our separate ways." Petra's face went bright red as he said this.

"What?! That's- uh…" She said

"That was a joke. See? Now you aren't feeling nothing." Levi chuckled

"Y… you're right." Petra said as she smiled slightly. Her heart started beating faster as she looked into his eyes. His face was at its usual stern expression, but behind it was something different. It was almost like he was beginning to let a guard down. She leaned in closer to him, her heart practically pounding out of her chest. Gently, she brushed her lips up against his. She was so close to him, she could hear him breathing. Their eyes met for a moment

"Petra…" he said.

"I… I'm sorry…" She said as she pulled away from him.

"No, don't be..." Levi felt the heat in his own cheeks as well. He stood up from his chair, lifted her chin, and returned the kiss. They wrapped their arms around each other and their kisses deepened. Their lips parted for moments before he asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes…" she hugged him.

He opened the door to the dining hall for her and lead her to his room. They walked there as quietly as they could, but as soon as the door was closed, they were back in each others embrace. He let his tongue slip into her mouth as they began to undress each other.

Their jackets were almost instantly on the floor. Petra undid Levi's cravat and started to unbutton his shirt as he began to unbutton hers. Their boots, gear, and pants followed suit, and they were on his bed within minutes.

"Wait…" Petra suddenly pushed him away as he reached for her bra clip.

"What's wrong?" Levi asked

"It's just…I'm a little nervous…" She said, her voice shaking a little.

"This isn't your first time, is it?" Levi raised an eyebrow. Petra's face turned bright red.

"…. It is…" She mumbled. Levi suddenly got nervous. Petra was so strong, yet so delicate. Was she serious?

"Are you sure you want… this…. To be it?" He asked, somewhat nervous "We can stop now, if you'd like."

Petra took a deep breath

"It's nothing like that, I'm just worried I may not be very good at it." Her face turned bright red again. Levi gave her a look.

"Don't be stupid. I'll show you what to do."

She giggled a little to herself and nodded.

He went back to kissing her until she was ready for them to remove the rest of their clothing. At that point, they were finally able to look at each other completely. Every scar, every curve, everything was exposed. Petra was a little intimidated by Levi's considerable size, but that feeling faded away as er eyes traveled up to his chiseled torso. She leaned up and began kissing him again. Levi laid her down on the bed, tracing every line on her body from her collar bone to her breasts, her abdomen, and finally down to her lower region. Petra gasped as he started by licking her folds. She began letting out soft moans as he moved closer to her clitoris.

"Ah~ Captain!" She moaned

"It's just Levi right now." He responded as he inserted a finger. Petra was sent into ecstasy by this new sensation, and started to moan louder.

"Shh..." he said as he inserted another finger and gently started moving the two back and forth. Petra grabbed a handful of his hair, trying desperately to stay quiet as she was getting closer and closer to her climax.

"Levi… I'm gonna… I'm gonna.." She panted. Quickly, she covered her mouth; Levi, moving his fingers and playing with her as she came. With a few twitches, her body went limp and he got on top of her

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Is it going to hurt?" Petra asked, nervously.

"Only at first. But It gets better soon after." Levi placed a few light kisses on her lips and moved a stray hair out of her face.

"Okay…" Petra nodded nervously. With that, Levi backed up a little and moved himself into position. She felt the tip of his member gently hitting her entrance as he got ready. Slowly, he pushed himself into her; an intense, sharp pain following suit. Petra cried out and clutched his arm tightly.

"Are you alright?" Levi held himself completely still so she could get used to the feel of him.

"Y-yeah… I just need a second….." Petra said. Levi wiped away a tear rolling down her cheek, gently kissing her for a few minutes until the pain subsided and she gave him the okay to start moving. He began as slowly as he could, taking hold of Petra's hips and showing her how to move with him. Gently rocking her back and forth, getting her used to the rhythm as she let out a few approving sighs.

"We're connected..." Petra smiled as she put her arms around Levi's shoulders.

"Yeah." He smiled a little as he locked lips with her

"F-fuck…" Levi gritted his teeth, letting out a soft grunt. He looked down at the young woman before him. Her eyes were locked with his now as he felt her begin to twitch around him.

"Oh, Levi..." Petra held him tightly, letting him grind up against her. He started breathing heavier as he picked up the pace.

"Petra…" He sighed. The mattress began to creek as the two were becoming one. Jolts of electricity ran through Petra's body from her groin upwards. This amazing new sensation was slowly overtaking her, and the look in Levi's eyes told her he felt the same way.

"Levi… I love you! I've always loved you!" Petra let out in a moan

"I love you too." Levi responded without hesitation, finally moving full force against her. After a few more minutes, Petra was practically screaming, and Levi couldn't hold back his moans anymore.

"Petra… I'm going to…."

"Me too!" she pressed her hips hard against his.

"Oh God… Oh God.. OH GOD, LEVI!" Petra suddenly squeezed him hard as she hit her climax.

"PETRA!" Levi was able to get a few more heavy thrusts in before they gripped each other tightly. Petra, clawing his back as he hit orgasm as well. After that, the two felt any amount of strength left leave their bodies as they collapsed next to each other, catching their breath.

"That… That was amazing..." Petra said to him. Levi kissed her forehead and held her close

"Yeah. it was…"

"Would you…. Mind if I spent the night here?" She asked hesitantly

"Not at all. I just have to change the sheets" he replied as he got up and put on his boxers.

"The sheets?" she raised an eyebrow. Casually, he pointed downward. Petra's face turned bright red again, in embarrassment and surprise at the sight of how much she had bled onto the white sheets.

"OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry Levi!" she grabbed a pillow and covered her face. Levi sat back down on the bed next to her, moving the pillow downwards to kiss her again.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Petra." His eyes met with hers again. She nodded and got up for him to change the sheets, putting on her panties and shirt. Once the bed was made, they practically fell in together, Levi locking Petra in his arms.

The screaming in her head was gone. She felt alive, happy, and even a new emotion she'd never felt before… Which lead her to ask the question:

"Levi…"

"Hmm?"

"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

"Mhm…" He mumbled, sleep starting to overtake him.

Petra smiled and buried herself in his embrace.

That night, for the first time since her brother died, she slept without the scene replaying in her head even once, and Levi, for the first time since he was a child, had a good night's sleep. The two decided to make a habit of these little meetings. It didn't always work warding off the nightmares, but knowing the comfort of being in eachothers arms in the morning gave them hope.

A/N: my first smut fic is done! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I guess this would be the prequel to "The Butterfly Effect: Rewritten….?" anyway, check it out! Love you all. *muah*


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